Saturday, August 25, 2012

T.S. Isaac may be diverted by last minute change in Republican platform

 God's wrath may be unleashed if changes aren't made to farm bill

     As one headline recently put it Tropical Storm Isaac is likely to "attack" the upcoming Republican convention in Tampa, Florida, but some last minute changes in the Republican platform might help to push the storm off to the west.  In the wake of Hurricane Katrina in 2005, religious conservative Pat Robertson identified the cause of the storm correctly: God did, in fact, direct that storm at New Orleans to punish America for its poor conduct during the nomination of Supreme Court Justice John Roberts. Specifically, God was moved to punish America by a Democratic senator who asked Justice Roberts whether he would ban abortions if he were placed in the Supreme Court. "That question just pushed me over the edge," God said.     
    More recently, God has been displeased with the Republican party and His displeasure is clearly visible in the brooding tropical storm which is threatening the party's convention.  Luckily, though, it turns out that the issue is "not so serious" this time. God is really just displeased with a bill that was introduced in the House Agriculture Committee by Chairman Frank Lucas that would boost insurance coverage for farmers following this summer's drought. "Those guys are all rich as hell," God said. "I sent the drought on them to send a message about planting more different kinds of crops - don't just do corn and soybeans and a little wheat. 'Where'd all my old favorite crops go," I was trying to say. And now they're off crying for more money."
     If Congressman Lucas revises his proposal and asks for 15% less reimbursement for farmers, God said that he'd likely direct the storm away from Tampa and maybe just let it fizzle out in the Gulf of Mexico entirely.

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